Kegel Exercises And The Orgasm Gap
Kegel exercises can improve the health of your sex life, and bridge the orgasm gap. Kegel exercises, are simple clench-and-release exercises that you can do to make the muscles of your pelvic floor stronger. They target the muscles known as your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles. Your PC muscles and tissues form a sling that holds your reproductive organs in place, promotes good bladder control and sexual function.
Both men and women have PC muscles. When you’re young, your PC muscles are taut and strong. As you age or as a result of pregnancy or childbirth, they become weakened and stretched. This can negatively affect bladder control and sexual health.
Kegel exercises might have sexual benefits for both women and men. According to scientists in the International Urogynecology Journal, several studies have linked pelvic floor muscle training to better sexual function in women. Research reported in Sexual Medicine Reviews suggests they also help treat sexual dysfunction in men. More specifically, they help improve erectile function, ejaculation control, and orgasm intensity in men with chronic prostatitis or chronic pelvic pain syndrome.
Read our post on Kegel exercises and sexual health for a more in-depth look into these less known yet fascinating little exercises.
The Orgasm Gap
There are actually some surveys and studies which tell us something about better sex. Let’s talk about the orgasm gap; let’s talk multiple orgasms. There was a study in Norway back in the 1990s, which was quite indicative. When asked “How often do you experience orgasm with your spouse or regular sexual partner?” only 30% of the Norwegian women surveyed anonymously replied “often” or “always.”
Is there something wrong with the women, then? Inhibitions, perhaps? No, because there was a control group: lesbians. When asked “How often do you experience orgasm with your spouse or regular sexual partner?” no less than 75% of the lesbian women responded “often” or “always.”
An Issue of Cultural or Gender Bias
Which of course is not just an indication, but actually proof that it’s the men who fail to deliver. Two variables: the fact that the subjects of this study were women of all ages (18–60 years old); and that the question was, sex with “spouse or regular partner” (one-night stands were excluded). These are two factors which increase the study’s credibility.
Some years ago, the Norwegian sexologist Bente Træen, explained the numbers discrepancy. She replied that the numbers vary, but the 30% is likely to be correct. We simply don’t know. And of course there may be a positive development as the years go by. But Træen said that up until the turn of the century, the numbers have been fairly stable, ever since the 1970s.
Now, Norwegian men were also surveyed. “How often do you experience orgasm with your spouse or regular sexual partner?” The men replied 85% of the time. This is what is known as the orgasm gap. A U.S. survey from the year 2000 found that for every female orgasm, the men had three. However, that survey does not tell us anything about the frequency of female orgasms or the recurrence of zero orgasms.
Differences in Technique
The deficit of female orgasms has much to do with sexual technique, so let’s begin there. Although some other primates also practice it from time to time, the only mammal species to have the “missionary position” as the norm is humans. All four-legged mammals practice the “doggy style” position. What most people are not aware of, is that a man’s hips hitting the female buttocks, causes the vaginal walls to contract. This is the pre-stage of, even a pre-requisite for a vaginal orgasm. Nature is superior; we are built to reproduce.
Orgasm is a biological function, necessary for mating, as the contractions of the vaginal tract gives the sperm cells an extra push towards the awaiting egg. The “doggy” position is also beneficial to reproduction because the penis penetrates into the vagina deeper than in the missionary position; and the sperm spurts downwards as well, not upwards.
The norm should therefore be the “doggy” position. There is a reason for the religious origins of the “missionary” position. This lovemaking technique came about at a time when female sexuality was considered sinful or even “satanic.” Religious officials had registered that women became more hot and bothered when penetrated from behind.
Vaginal vs. Clitoral Orgasms
Other female mammals have a clitoris too. But in mammals which have litters (e.g. cats), and not just one offspring, the rule is vaginal orgasm. It’s plain and simple biology, as the contractions of the vaginal tract make the eggs drop from the ovaries, one by one. But in (the majority of) modern day societies, most female orgasms are clitoris orgasms, a sexual feature unique to humans.
Many feminists and sexologist have stressed the need for clitoris stimulation in order to bridge the orgasm gap. Sure, clitoris stimulation and cunnilingus are all good and fine, but it still labels women as born with a sexual handicap, that nature has made women dependent on extra stimulation, not natural excitement, as it is in nature.
Some argue that “women need foreplay.” This suggests that women are physically dysfunctional. It’s unlikely that cavemen were aware of the concept of foreplay; yet humans managed to mate and survive as a species all the same.
The Myth of Foreplay
How many mammals practice foreplay? The cat screams in ecstasy on penetration. Lions have many, but short intercourses during mating season. Insemination of mares is instantaneous as the stallion ejaculates on penetration. The mare has no chance to take part in a mating game, like she has under natural mating conditions. In nature the female lets the stallion penetrate her only when she is good and ready. If she’s not, she bites, kicks, or runs away.
In Western culture, a man is supposedly a good lover if he has “stamina”, e.g. he can keep on going for a long time without ejaculating, giving the woman the opportunity to reach climax. No animals do that. On the contrary, as a general rule intercourse is of short duration in the animal kingdom.
The missionary position and the “stamina” paradigm is why there is so much fast, acrobatic bonking, both in real life and in pornography. Lesbian love-making, however, is much slower, and acrobatics are a rare phenomenon. Bonking and spreading the legs is totally counter-productive for the female, although it does usually stimulate the clitoris, even to the point of orgasm.
Now, of course there are women who for physical or psychological reasons are incapable of orgasm. Frigidity is not a myth. However, in a normal relationship, where the woman has the capacity to climax, if the man can’t please his woman with orgasms, he is no lover at all.
The Biology of the Female Orgasm
Biologically, women are, like most mammals, multi-orgasmic. “The cat has nine lives” is a euphemism for the fact that the cat’s ovaries contain an average of 9 eggs. For each orgasm, a new egg drops from the ovaries down to the vaginal canal for fertilization. So, in order to be sexually content, all eggs have to drop in order to bring the cat out of heat.
If we replace the survey question with “How often do you experience multiple orgasms with your spouse or regular sexual partner?” I imagine the number would be very low, probably below 10%. To be honest, it’s probable that the percentage would be far below that.
So unless a man is able to bring his woman to multiple orgasms, defined as a consecutive series of orgasms (called “staying on the orgasm plateau”); as opposed to another (separate) orgasm after 30 seconds or 2 minutes, or 30, he may not deserve to be called a “good” lover.
The woman who has to go through life, never even once experiencing an orgasm with a man, is a tragedy. In order to keep her man happy, because most men freak out if they’re told the truth, she has to fake it. Even commit adultery in the hope of a climax. Sex toys and masturbation are all good and fine, but is that the fate she is subject to for life? It can cause psychological problems, it can break her confidence.
She also has to lie to her female friends, as total lack of orgasms is a cultural taboo that women are afraid to admit to. Numerous women settle for just the intimacy, tenderness and the knowledge that she has gratified her man.
Some women will undergo plastic surgery in the belief that making themselves more attractive will make up for lack of orgasms, thinking they are not good enough, that the fact that they have never experienced an orgasm with a man, is her fault. Most women internalize their lack of orgasms, thinking that there is something wrong with them.
Self Love and Self Care
In the U.S. doctors recommend Kegel exercises as a tool to improve medical conditions related to the weakening of pelvic floor muscles. In other parts of the world people know that these exercises condition a woman’s sexual organs to reach climax faster, and more easily. Even without any extraneous stimulation. Which is a fancy way of saying, “no partner required.”
Through the practice of Kegels, every woman can make her pelvic floor muscles taut, powerful, and strong. So much so, that she will be able to bring herself to “spontaneously” climax simply by crossing her legs and squeezing her thighs together tightly. Even while fully clothed. And especially without the need for “marital aides,” or any other stimuli.
The Multiple Orgasm Phenomenon
Women are born multi-climactic. Moreover, they deserve to be treated as such. It’s time that both men and women start acknowledging this indisputable, scientific fact.
Back before I was born, when my mother (and the women of her generation) were young, the female orgasm in women was more or less a taboo. The female orgasm, as well as the sexual anatomy of women, were little studied by science. Not to mention that multiple orgasms in women were considered a symptom of mental disease, or biological imbalance (known as nymphomania).
The notion that sustained penetration will cause the female “pain” is one big myth, on par with the long-standing myth that fish can’t feel shock or pain, an assumption which science has now debunked. It may sound like pain, but there is no scientific evidence to back it.
Besides, nature is clever. There is usually a purpose to phenomena. Everything which has to do with mating, is there to increase the chance of conception, to make animals want to mate. Pain serves absolutely no biological purpose whatsoever, it would discourage mating, not encourage it. It’s not logical.
Countries with a low amount of taboo connected with sexuality, with decent Sex Education, and with a culture that allows talking openly about these things probably have a bit of an advantage compared to cultures where sex is taboo and neither taught nor talked about.
They Cost You Nothing to Try
Kegel exercises are low risk, easy to do anywhere, and cost nothing to try. So what do you have to lose?
Sources:
Are Norwegian men good lovers?
https://www.quora.com/Are-Norwegian-men-good-lovers
Morten Jørgensen, answered March 29, 2018
with commentaries from Kevin Whitefoot and A.H. Strand
Are Norwegian men good lovers?
https://www.quora.com/Are-Norwegian-men-good-lovers
Eivind Kjørstad, answered April 20, 2017