Teaching Children to Calm Down on Their Own
These simple activities will help you raise children who can calm down on their own. If you are a parent, then you already know that you can rely on these two fundamental truths:
- No kid on earth is calm all of the time.
- Telling your kid to “calm down” is as effective as trying to tell a fish to breathe air.
The reason we can say this so confidently and free of judgement is because having a tough time managing big emotions is a prerequisite phase of development in all children.
Experts, like Lindsey Giller, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, explains that the emotional side and the rational side of a child’s brain don’t communicate at a young age. The clinical term for this phenomenon is “dysregulation.” Your little one strongly desires ice cream before dinner. Before their logical brain can realize that this is not the rule, they are already in a full blown meltdown. Luckily, the ability to calm down on your own (or regulate your emotions) is a learnable skill. Cool no?
Honest, Simple Parenting Advice
In the ice cream example above, you child knows he can’t have an ice cream sundae before dinner. But, he wants it so badly that his emotions take over. Once your child learns these skills, they will be able to moderate these emotions and logic. These 5 tips will help you teach your kids to slow down, take control of their feelings, and calm down on their own:
1. Validate Your Child’s Emotions
Validating emotions is the first step. It is important for your child to realize that their feelings are neither wrong nor bad. Of course they want ice cream. Of course they feel sad. That is normal. Once your child learns how to express their emotions they can start to be mindful of why they feel a certain way, and start to think more logically. A great way to do this is to encourage your child to speak in “I” Statements. “I” statements force the speaker to express their own feelings, rather than placing blame on others. For example:
- “You” statement: You never listen to me.
- “I” statement: I feel frustrated when I feel like I can’t express myself.
2. Calm Down Activities
Give your kids the tools to calm down on their own with these simple activities. Print these calming cards, cut them out, and have them handy (I laminated mine). These 12 activities are based on proven calming strategies, and are designed to distract kids from frustration and anger so they can self–regulate. They include:
- Quick breathing exercises
- Easy stretches
- Calming strategies
3. Learn to Live in the Moment
Learning to be mindful is an important factor in emotional intelligence. Essentially, mindfulness is the ability to live in the moment, or to use an expression, ‘stop and smell the roses’. This skill will help your child build a mental bridge between the emotions they feel and the logic they understand. Simple activities can help train your little one’s developing brain to block out distractions.
4. Model Problem Solving
We all feel “big emotions” on a regular basis, and sometimes it can be just as challenging adults to regulate these emotions. Talk to your child about things that are going on in your own life, such as, “I am frustrated because I thought I bought pasta, but I can’t find it. I will have to think of a new dinner.” Even if you do lose your temper, you can make it a good experience for your kid by doing these 5 things:
- Take time to cool down.
- Show affection.
- Explain how you felt.
- Talk about the future.
- Do something nice together to move on.
5. Prioritize Quality Time
Lastly, having a positive connection with your child will help tie all these lessons together. Research shows that even short bursts of focused time can help you strengthen relationships, feel more at peace, and bring joy to your family. It has been proven that:
- Snuggling and cuddling can cause the brain to release endorphins, “feel good” chemicals that decrease stress hormones in parents and improve cognition and development in children.
- Relaxing, agenda-free, can help prevent burnout.
- Having conversations with your kids, especially at bedtime, gives children time to process their emotions and deepen your relationship.
For tips on how to connect with your child, read “How to Make Your Kid Feel Notably Special in Under 10 Minutes a Day,” even on your busiest days.
Final Thoughts
These 5 tips will help your child bridge the gap between their big emotions and their thought process. Children who have this skill are able to self–regulate and calm themselves down. We may always still want ice cream before dinner, but when you learn to control your emotions you will realize the chocolate sundae will still be waiting for you after you eat your broccoli.
Source and Photo Credit:
Teach Your Kids How to Calm Down on Their Own
https://goldenslumbersphotos.com/2021/02/24/emotional-regulation-for-kids/
Simply Snapping Mom